My dad recently shared a podcast with me by healthcare researcher Neal K. Shah that addressed the benefits of the grandparent–grandchild relationship. I thought this was a perfect topic to research further because my kids love spending time with their grandparents—and even their great-grandmas. They ask to see them regularly, cheer when they get to visit, and always come home happy.

I have witnessed the uniquely special relationship between a grandparent and a grandchild, both personally and through watching my own children with their grandparents. Grandparents don’t have to enforce rules, manage bedtime, assign chores, check homework, or navigate every disagreement. A grandparent can love a child from a different vantage point—close enough to know and love them deeply, but far enough from the daily demands of parenting to offer something different.

In Shah’s video, Do Grandparents Matter More Than Parents?, he asks: What can grandparents provide that parents may not? Despite the title, Shah isn’t suggesting that grandparents matter more than parents. Rather, he explores how grandparents can matter in a unique, special, and different way.

Children benefit from having multiple safe, caring adults in their lives. Grandparents can provide another layer of emotional security, offering connection without carrying the same duties and demands that come with parenting. Because a grandparent isn’t necessarily the person responsible for enforcing consequences, they may be able to listen, comfort, and remind a child that everything will be okay.

A 2021 study pointed to an interesting connection between grandparent involvement and children’s vocabulary development. Why might this be? Think of it this way: A child asks a question; Grandma or Grandpa answers; the child asks another question; they hear a story; the story leads to another story about when Mom or Dad was little.

Suddenly, a five-minute conversation has turned into twenty minutes of language development, imagination, family history, and connection.

These ordinary conversations are far from ordinary for a developing child. Grandparents may also introduce children to words, experiences, traditions, and stories from other generations, expanding a child’s world in ways that are not easy to replicate elsewhere.

Adolescence is a period when children naturally begin to look beyond their parents for identity, belonging, guidance, and approval. Research has linked close grandparent–grandchild relationships with lower levels of risky behavior during this developmental period.

A grandparent can become one of those important voices that says, “I know you. I believe in you. Don’t make a choice that doesn’t reflect who you are.” Sometimes what keeps a teenager from making a risky choice is knowing others believe they can make better ones.

Grandparents occupy a unique position in the family. They are connected to parents, but they are not parents. They can offer guidance without being the person responsible for every rule. They can offer perspective without carrying the same emotional intensity that can sometimes exist in the parent–child relationship.

It is also worth noting that someone does not have to have been a perfect parent to become a wonderful grandparent. By the time someone becomes a grandparent, they no longer carry the same day-to-day parenting role. They aren't responsible for every rule, consequence, decision, or developmental milestone. They can step out of the parent role and be a grandparent—with more room to listen, play, tell stories, offer perspective, and enjoy the child in front of them. People also grow and change over their lives.

Someone who struggled with parenting while raising their own children may have learned from those experiences and show up very differently as a grandparent. This doesn’t erase the past, but it reminds us that people can grow, and that a relationship can look very different when we are no longer responsible for raising the child. Parents often have to focus on raising the child. Grandparents have the privilege of simply knowing the child. Sometimes a grandchild gets to meet the version of a person that their own parent never had the opportunity to know.

One of the most priceless gifts grandparents offer is continuity.

While parents are raising children toward the future, grandparents can connect children to the past. They remember who their children were before they became parents. They remember family stories, traditions, celebrations, hardships, losses, accomplishments, mistakes, and little details that might otherwise disappear.

Grandparents can view a child through the larger family story—something no other relationship can quite replicate. They can tell a child:

·         “Your dad used to do that, too.”

·         “Your mom was just like you at that age.”

·         Or, “Let me tell you about the time when…”

These stories become part of a child’s identity.

Research is beginning to put some science behind what many families have known all along: the grandparent-grandchild relationship matters. A 2025 review found a positive association between the strength of the grandparent–grandchild relationship and children’s developmental outcomes across psychological, social, behavioral, physical, and cognitive domains.

Parents and grandparents serve different roles, and children need a village of meaningful relationships. Parents provide the primary foundation of a child’s life. Grandparents can add another layer of belonging, perspective, history, patience, encouragement, and connection.

·         A parent may say, “I know you’re capable of this.”

·         A grandparent may say, “I know you’re capable of this because I’ve watched your parents, I’ve watched you grow, and I’ve seen what our family can do.”

·         A parent may say, “Learn from your mistakes.”

·         A grandparent may say, “I’ve made mistakes, too. I’ve watched your parents make mistakes. A mistake doesn’t need to define your life.”

·         A parent may say, “Things will get better.”

·         A grandparent may say, “I’ve had tough times. Your parents have had tough times. Life changes, even when we can’t imagine how.”

Someday, children may remember the stories Grandma told them, the way Grandpa listened, or simply the way they felt understood and loved. These are memories our children will likely carry for the rest of their lives.

Not every child has a grandparent who is available, safe, or involved. Families come in many forms, and other caring adults can provide many of these same gifts. But when a healthy grandparent–grandchild relationship is possible, it is worth protecting.

I am incredibly grateful for every memory I have with my grandparents, every lesson I’ve learned from them, and for every moment I still get to spend with my ninety-eight-year-old grandma.

Perhaps that is the priceless gift of grandparents: Grandparents don’t only help children know where they’re going. They help them know where they came from.

References

Shah, Neal K. — Do Grandparents Matter More Than Parents? YouTube. Healthcare researcher and innovator Neal K. Shah discusses research on the distinctive contributions grandparents can make to children's development. Watch Neal K. Shah's video: https://youtu.be/tOtp2feqXqA?si=yZJChDqloL4bIy74

Li et al. (2025). The Grandparent–Grandchild Relationship and Grandchildren's Developmental Outcomes: A Systematic Review With Meta-Analysis. Journal of Family Theory & Review. This recent systematic review and meta-analysis examined 59 independent samples and more than 71,000 participants, finding a small but significant positive association between the quality of the grandparent–grandchild relationship and children's developmental outcomes.

Milovanska-Farrington, S. (2021). The Effect of Parental and Grandparental Supervision Time Investment on Children's Early-Age Development. Research in Economics, 75(3), 286–304. This is the study behind the fascinating vocabulary-development point. Importantly, the findings suggest that grandparental and parental involvement can be complementary, rather than one being more important than the other.

Attar-Schwartz, S., et al. (2009). Grandparenting and Adolescent Adjustment. This research involving 1,515 adolescents found associations between greater grandparent involvement and fewer emotional problems, particularly among adolescents in single-parent and stepfamily households.

Sadruddin, A. F. A., et al. (2019). How Do Grandparents Influence Child Health and Development? A Systematic Review. This review examined more than 200 studies addressing grandparents' influence on children's physical, cognitive, social, and emotional development.